


The West

by DJ_unicornsrgr8



Series: Barry Fics [2]
Category: Barry (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Metaphors, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sally doesn't understand what Barry is going through
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-08
Updated: 2020-07-08
Packaged: 2021-03-05 04:47:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 837
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25138690
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DJ_unicornsrgr8/pseuds/DJ_unicornsrgr8
Summary: It was a slow descent from the hills to the corral. His brain became foggier as the air grew heavier in his lungs. His breathing kicked up another notch, and there were Sally’s hands again. He was a calf, she was a cowhand, and it was branding day. His pulse thrummed in his temples with each step on the packed-dirt road. The sun sank in the sky, and his vision darkened around the corners. Almost there.Or, Barry has a panic attack and Sally isn't helpful, despite her good intentions.
Relationships: Barry Berkman & Sally Reed, Barry Berkman/Sally Reed
Series: Barry Fics [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1814806
Comments: 3
Kudos: 23





	The West

Barry felt heavy. Everything was heavy. The air was heavy, pressing on his shoulders, weighing down his arms, sinking into his blistering lungs like mustard gas. His blood was heavy, oozing through his veins like molasses, despite his heart’s frenetic thrum in his chest. His stomach was heavy, full of tumbling rocks, though he hadn’t eaten since… sometime. A while ago. He felt like he was going to throw up, but didn’t have time between breaths. His throat felt too narrow for the amount of air he was supposed to be taking in. His head was spinning, his pulse jumping in his temples like he’d stood up too fast after sitting for too long. The whistling of the wind in his ears was deafening; he thought maybe someone was calling his name in the distance, but he couldn’t bring his vision into focus to check. He was too heavy. 

He felt hands on his arms, hands on his shoulders, hands on his face. They were like lariats, yanking him down, holding him fast as red-hot brands were pressed into his burning sides. Someone was definitely yelling at him, but he couldn’t breathe, couldn’t move. His blurred vision started to tunnel out, and he felt a twisted sense of relief. It wouldn’t be much longer. His lungs felt aflame with so little air passing through them; his pounding head seemed like it was about to explode. The hands were back on his shoulders, shaking him, and his vision went black.

\----

“...Barry! BARRY! Fucking… Barry, wake the fuck up!”

Barry forced his eyes open. His head ached and his mind felt foggy. His blurred gaze found blond hair and pale skin.

“Where’mi?” he mumbled, blinking sluggishly at Sally. “Wha’happened?”

“You… What happened? You’re asking _me_? You fucking… I don’t know, you wouldn’t talk to me and then you fucking…” Sally waved her hand around. “Passed out, or something! And now you don’t remember any of it? What the fuck, Barry!”

Barry shook his head in an attempt to clear it, but all he succeeded in was making his headache worse. 

“Fuck,” he breathed. Then, louder, “Sorry.”

Sally stared at him. “ _Sorry_? Is that all you’ve got? You freaked me the fuck out, fucking… hyperventilating and passing out, and now it’s just like, ‘sorry, moving on’?”

Barry licked his lips. His mouth felt dry. “I… I don’t know what you want.”

Sally scrunched her brow in disbelief. “Just… talk to me! What’s going on? What happened? What’s… What’s…”

“What’s wrong with me?” said Barry, filling in the blank with a sudden acidity. “I dunno. It can’t be that I’m fucked up because I had to kill a fuck-ton of people.”

Sally took a sharp inhale to fire back, but froze with her mouth open. 

“What?” Barry said. “Is that news to you? Because I’m pretty sure you were there in class when-”

“No, um… But like, didn’t you only kill, like, three people? Because…” Sally trailed off, her eyes boring into his.

The silence grew heavier with each passing second, and Barry’s heart dropped. He took a quick breath, and then another, and then another, and a dull ache began to radiate through his chest.

“I…” Barry blinked a few times, trying to clear the spots from his vision. 

“Barry?” Sally said. “You’re fucking… Stop that. C’mon.”

Barry pulled in a breath and tried to speak, but choked on it. Sally grabbed his shoulders. Lariats. Hands. Burning. All he could hear was the wind whistling for a little while, before Sally’s voice filtered back in.

“...fucking get it together! Answer me!”

“Th- Three… feels… like, like a lot,” Barry wheezed, and Sally’s blurry face softened a bit.

“Oh, Barry. I mean, killing people is obviously bad, but you were in a war. You said it yourself, you were ordered to do it. And you felt terrible about it afterwards. I mean, we all saw in class, you cried, and- Barry? Hey, look at me...”

Barry couldn’t lift his head. It was too heavy. His throat closed, and Sally’s voice faded out again, replaced in his pounding head by the howling wind and “ _Ba-rry Berk-man! Ba-rry Berk-man! Ba-rry Berk-man!_ ”

He tried to lift his hands to bang the sides of his head, but they were too heavy. His breathing kicked up another notch, and there were Sally’s hands again. He was a calf, she was a cowhand, and it was branding day. His chest burned, marking him the property of the panic in his veins. Lariats. Hands. He could roam, but he wasn’t free. 

It was a slow descent from the hills to the corral. His brain became foggier as the air grew heavier in his lungs. His pulse thrummed in his temples with each step on the packed-dirt road. The sun sank in the sky, and his vision darkened around the corners. Almost there. His lungs filled with dust as he was driven through the gates. Fences closed in around him. Hoofbeats, pounding in his chest. Lariats. Hands. Burning. Darkness.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm kind of proud of how this turned out, although there are definitely some things I need to work on! Any feedback would be much appreciated :)
> 
> I wasn't trying to portray Sally in a bad light here; I think she'd want to help in this kind of situation, but she might freak out and not know how to go about it. Feel free to let me know if you think that's accurate or not!


End file.
